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WHEN A WOMAN LOVES…

When the drums of old begin to beat slowly, erratically the unchanging symphonies of love; when two hearts become as one. (Drums beating heavily at the background) Whew! That was quite poetic but you do get what I mean.
Yep, when two people begin to fall in love.
What draws two souls into the tale of love as old as time itself?
You and I are going to delve into the love subject.

First off, we are going to tackle the question of “What makes a woman fall for a man?”

To begin, we know that the woman is a very special creature. Well very special. Who can fight a battle in tears and still win? A woman. Who can be happy with you this moment and the next minute bem so angry with you. I believe we all know only a woman can handle that. They say women are complicated but I think it’s a beautiful complication. Why do I say that? I believe “nothing easy is worth fighting for; nothing worth fighting for is easy.” So I hope from today you don’t complain about a woman’s complicatedness.

For a very long time, men have tried to understand the mind of a woman but failed each time. And yes, women all over the world would love to be understood by the men they fall for or have an interest in but just like women, hmmphh, it’s never simple.

So how about we delve into certain factors that would make a woman fall for a man;

I) Communication

I know this almost sounds like a cliché but no matter how clichéd it might sound, communication is one of the ways to get a woman to fall for you.

As a man you need to understand how to communicate properly with a woman especially if you have interest in her. Communication should both be verbal and non verbal.

Verbally, try to get to know what her life is about; her interests, dreams and the simple things that bring smile to her face. Always remember that communication is a two way street.

What do I mean by this? Give room for the woman to communicate with you as much as you communicate with her. Never be bossy or pushy in your communication with a woman. That is a big turn off. A woman wants her voice to be heard and never deny her that. Especially in a world where the voice of the woman is being silenced one way or the other. In verbal communication, though the man usually set the pace, it would be much helpful to the growth of the relationship if the man could sometimes move by the pace of the woman.

Generally women may not open up to others due to two major reasons.
1. Women would not open up to you if they do not trust you. And it takes time for them to build that kind of trust. In light of this, always try to build trust with the woman.
But if she learns to gradually trust you, she would open up bit by bit. And if she does, you much better hold on to those little treasures and keep it safe. You might need it someday in the relationship and woe to you if you forget or make light of it in the passage of time.

Simply put, try and remember most things that mean something to a woman if not all. They appreciate that little effort. Trust me, they really do.

2. A woman would not open up to you if they are not interested in you. This is one of the cues to pay attention to if you want to know whether she is interested in you or not. Some women will listen to everything you have to say and either say nothing or just smile at you. This can get frustrating.

Also a woman may make communicating with her very difficult and frustrating for the man if she’s not interested or well you hurt her once.

Know the difference and know when to stay back a little.( Lol, remember the current situation between Roberto and Victoria in “Laws of Love”. Uhuh that’s a bit of what I’m talking about)

Now to nonverbal communication

When it comes to verbal communication, man you must be observant. A woman says everything with what she doesn’t say. Sounds complicated right? But actually it’s pretty simple. Pay attention to her actions and gestures.

For instance, do you notice how uncomfortable she gets in a place full of strangers. She might need you to hold her hand, give it a little squeeze and reassure her, you are not leaving her alone.
Do you notice how she scrunches her nose when you pass a statement you might feel it’s playful about her height or weight? Well that’s a cue she doesn’t like that line of teasing so you have to stop.

Women are usually one way or the other dealing with doubts and anxieties about let’s say, a certain body part. Teasing her about it even if it’s playful makes her feel maybe she’s not good enough after all.

And when a woman begins to feel and think she’s not good enough, that is the beginning of the relationship taking a nose dive.

Pay attention to the things that makes her smile and once in a while surprise her in those areas.

To close up the chapter on communication, I’d say in all communication must be real, genuine and honest.

II) Strength

From days of old, women have always loved men of strength. Remember the Biblical tales of Samson, Saul and even David. Yeah, women either love to sing the songs of strong men or be associated with them. Well for Delilah, you and I know she was paid and all but I can bet as woman as she is, she did enjoy the experience she had with the strongest man ever to live (winks).

So how does that relate to our 21st century days?
Just like old times, every woman is attracted to men of strength. Yep it’s undisputable. But now than ever, women are attracted to men whose strength extends to both mental and emotional strength.

A woman wants a man who can challenge her mentally. She wants a man who is emotionally strong for himself and her as well.

Women usually have their emotions clouded. It’s always soothing when they find a man able to help them seive through their emotions and thoughts.

A woman desires and appreciates a man who can see her beyond her physique; a man who can appreciate her thoughts, her sense of humor and appreciate her emotions regardless of how complicated it may appear.

And let me whisper this into your ears only- (Dear men, women are crazy about guys who are physically strongand mentally and emotionally strong as well. And one other thing too , women love to learn especially from those they admire. Even if it just learning to play your favourite video game or console with you.)

I think once in a while the role of the damsel-in- distress will be played and who better to save her than a real strong man. (Double winks)

III) Speak Her Love Language

Knowing a woman’s love language is one way of almost getting to understand a woman’s psyche.

I believe we all know five love languages- Gifts, Acts of service, Words of Affirmation, Quality time and last but not least, the element of Touch. (Just in case you want more information on these, you could check out “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman)

So here again, non verbal communication plays a major role in knowing a woman’s love language.

Yes, generally it is a known fact women love gifts but you must know that some women prefer gifts more than others.

It is also good to note that every woman one way or the other speak little bits of all the five love languages but you must find out the love language she speaks the most and communicate with her more on that.

It is said girls love attention but women love the right kind of attention. Once you learn to speak her love language and properly communicate yours to her as well, it helps with growth and understanding of your relationship with her.

A woman would give you time to figure out her love language but if it appears it’s taking you forever to figure out her love language, boy oh boy, she might lose interest in you and well she might set her eyes on a man who understands her love language.

So if you are interested, you better be observant enough to know her love language too.

IV) Vision

Have a vision even if it’s in the process of becoming a reality. Girls love money and there is no two ways about that. But a woman will love to be with a man of vision. She will love to work and support his vision.

When a woman begins to ask about your dreams and aspirations, trust me she’s not being nosy. It is possible she’s ticking the boxes of the kind of man she would like to be with or end up with in the long run. But the unfortunate thing is most men hardly answer this question. They either brush it off and do not take it seriously or they answer it haphazardly.
When a woman starts asking questions, she is either confirming something or disconfirming it or even ticking the boxes in her head. Women love money till it runs out but women love men with vision more. (Lol nothing keeps money flowing like a working vision and women love unending comfort).
And if a woman believes in your vision, she supports it like it’s hers.

V) Respect And Value

As a man, you must respect her as an individual and value her sense of independence as well. Every woman yearns to be respected especially by the man who shows interest in her.

Every woman wants to be respected and seen beyond her body. A woman desires to be respected for what she stands for, her needs and not just for the fact that she is a “sex tool” Now on that no no and no – No woman should ever be seen as sex tools. And yes! not even sex workers.

Dear men, if ever there is a woman who feels she’s just made to give sex to men, I hope you will be the man to change her mindset. I strongly believe that if men decide to stop patronizing the duties of sex workers, there will be no sex workers no more( And I do hope someday this comes to pass).

Secretly, women respect men who respect their independence. Yes, women need to feel independent once or twice in a while.

Yes, a woman might be interested in you but if you stifle her sense of self and independence, just kiss anything with her good bye.

Society has oppressed women for a very long time, so if a woman feels a little tiny weeny bit of oppression from a man who says he’s interested in her, man you have lost the battle before it began. And I know you know there is a very big clear line between oppression and submission.

(I believe that’s a topic for another day).

To conclude, sometimes women need their space to find themselves, to rejuvenate and just sometimes to appreciate their individual self.

And every woman needs that time to just enjoy herself and space. (Dear men, I hope you accept and understand that. )

VI) Fight for her even when she doesn’t know what she’s fighting for

A woman desires a man that can be her strength even when she is at her weakest. When a woman says “I need you” even when she’s breaking down and that’s her last strength, she really needs you to help her fight whatever demons she’s battling with.

Remember what I said in the beginning of this point – Fight for her even when she’s not sure what she’s is fighting for. I guess we all know when the lines blur between a man and a woman, and touch sparks fire? Uhuh yep that one, a man should never take advantage of a woman when she’s unsure what she’s doing or clouded by emotions.

No matter how hard it is, man I hope you will become her strength to pull her through. Those times when she fights herself and wallow in pity, if you can be her strength or direct her to where her strength lies (And I hope it lies in arms of our Lord Jesus).

Yes, I understand a man has flaws and can never be perfect even in the act of love but dear men, I hope you accept your flaws and work on those that you can improve.

But remember you reflect the woman you want and if ever, you choose to make someone your love interest, I hope you make room for mistakes, surprises, ups and downs and hope as well.

And after every thing if the woman does not fall for you, my man I know you would be thinking “what’s wrong with me?”
There is nothing wrong with you. More perhaps, you are not meant to be with her.

And always remember like I said;

Nothing easy is worth fighting for and nothing worth fighting for is easy.”

Some women will play hard to get but if you do win them, some are timeless treasures for ever.

Remember love is a risky adventure but it would always be an “all or none” venture.
So what do you say, do you mind taking the ride?

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By Abis Psyche

A young lady with a passion for anything and everything artsy. Painting with words is what I do best. The motive is not to create the perfect picture of emotions, thoughts and feelings. It is to appreciate those imperfect flaws and choices that will always make every story worth telling. My dream is that someday people will learn to tell their stories regardless. Stories heal, and they need to be heard.

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